


The Hiddleston Particle

by LateStarter58



Series: The Tom and Natalie Stories [1]
Category: Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Heart Disease, Major Illness, Older Woman/Younger Man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 02:57:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16802299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LateStarter58/pseuds/LateStarter58
Summary: Natalie Banks is a divorced woman who is just learning to live with the fact that she's about to become a published novelist, when she gets some unexpected and exciting news. But what only her very closest confidants know is that she has a secret she's not sharing...





	1. Opening Lines

**Author's Note:**

> This story is written in a modern version of the epistolary form, that is, in texts messages and emails... I hope you like it.

  * _Don’t you EVAH check your email????_


  * **_I’m trying to work, Gail. Remember, that advance you got me?_**


  * _OK, OK, but look now. LOOK!!!!_



_*_

To: Natalie Banks

From: gfgirling@jrbagency

Subject: EXCITING NEWS

Nat

You’re a genius! WHAT DID I TELL YOU? I KNEW that story had legs. I’ve had an email this morning from a production company. Company is new but seems legit. They want to buy the rights to **_The Harris Particle_**. There’s been no talk of Ts&Cs yet, let alone money., They’ve just asked for a meeting. But this is good. This is VERY GOOD!!!!!

Your grateful agent (and happy friend!)

G

*

To: Gail Girling

From: nhbanks365@hmail

Subject: Re: EXCITING NEWS

Gail

I don’t know what to say. I suppose I should say thanks - the book isn’t even out yet. That stuff you did about getting the word around must have worked, then. Sincerely, thank you, darling.

Have you dealt with this company before? Who are they? Do they have a track record I could look at? Any info? A website? I know, I’m fussy and that’s monumental cheek from a first-timer - but the novel is my baby, you know that.

And ‘tis I that am grateful, my dearest

N

*

  * **_Sorry, love! I’m fine_**
  * _Mother, you are impossible! How long should I wait before I get in the car and drive over there to check you’re not at the bottom of the stairs or in a ditch somewhere?_
  * **_Drama queen. I forgot to charge my phone, darling. Sorry. Why didn’t you just ring?_**
  * _I did. I also sent you a FB message._
  * **_Oops. I see it now._**
  * _What’s so important you’ve stopped checking your phone AND answering machine?_
  * **_Ah. Well._**
  * _Mother?_
  * **_I’ve been working, of course_**
  * _And?_
  * **_Apparently someone wants to film my book_**
  * _Already??? Fucking amazing!!!_
  * **_Sorry to have worried you, love. I’ll try to keep the phone with me. This is rather exciting tho_**
  * _I’ll say! FT later?_
  * **_Of course. Love you xx_**



*

To: Natalie Banks

From: hty@hcrfilms

Subject: Offer for the rights to **_The Harris Particle_**

Dear Ms Banks

My name is Henry Young, and I am the Director of Business Development and Talent Management at HCR Films. I have been asked by our CEO to contact you directly as I understand from Ms Girling at JR Burgess that you wish to know a little more about us before you can consider our offer.

I would like to impress you with a list of HCR Films’ accomplishments, but I am afraid that we are a brand-new company, with no productions to our name, as yet that is. Yours is one of four title properties we are hoping to acquire currently - two of the other three are very close to final agreement. Our Executive Management team have a proven track record in the business of film and television, including stacks of nominations and awards including Oliviers and BAFTAs, two Emmys and a Golden Globe, not to mention an impressive collective body of experience in production, distribution and creative work on both sides of the camera. We are a group of like-minded friends and colleagues who have come together to form this company in order to be able to nurture our own projects and bring them to fruition.

I must apologize for not being able to provide you with detailed information about our bios at this time, as the team has the intention to keep these new ventures highly confidential for the time being. We hope you are open to continue our conversations so we could run through all the required paperwork and start disclosing as much information as you require and we see fit. With that in mind, our CEO will be contacting you shortly, to introduce himself and have the opportunity to share with you his preliminary ideas for the adaptation of your novel. I hope that they will meet with your approval.

Henry Young

Director of Business Development and Talent Management

*

To: Henry Young

From: nhbanks365@hmail

Subject: Re: Offer for the rights to **_The Harris Particle_**

Dear Henry

Well, this all sounds rather mysterious, I’m sure, but I can appreciate the desire for confidentiality at this stage of a new venture. I understand from my agent that we are signing non-disclosure agreements, so I look forward for a more open conversation in the near future with your CEO, yourself, or any of your business partners. I will be pleased to hear from your boss - he is a man I see from your use of the male pronoun. Are any of the other partners women, may I know that much?

Natalie Banks

*

  * **_Well, this is all rather cloak-and-daggery, isn’t it? What do you make of it? Is this normal?_**
  * _Dunno, tbh. There’s a bit of goss, a few names being bandied around, I do know that the Cornwells are involved, but as investors, not in direct management of operations. You know Stephen and I go back a long way. Other than that, idk._
  * **_What other names then? Such as?_**
  * _Ya know, the current objects of British pride, the Camden pack of those whose names start with an H and C..._
  * **_Oh fuck_**
  * _;D_
  * _But like I said, it’s all just rumour_
  * **_OK, well, I spose I’ll find out soon enough._**
  * **_H & C???? R???? HALPPP_**



*

To: Natalie Banks

CC: hty@hcrfilms; gfgirling@jrbagency

From: twh@hcrfilms

Subject: Our offer for the rights to **_The Harris Particle_**

Dear Ms Banks

Henry Young contacted you a few days ago in connection with our offer to buy the film and television rights to your novel. He tells me you had asked your agent to investigate our company further. May I say I understand completely that you would want to know more about us before even considering entrusting us with the adaptation of your work. I hope that between us, Henry and I will be able to put your mind at ease.

Firstly, I would like to tell you how much I have enjoyed reading **_The Harris Particle_**. My agent was intrigued by the premise and obtained a galley copy for me, thinking quite rightly that it was exactly the kind of story I would be interested in developing as a project. It is very imaginative, clever, hilariously funny as well as charming. The characters feel real, not the easiest thing to achieve in a fantasy story, and I was so caught up I read it in one sitting. Yours is a truly original voice.

I can imagine you are by now tapping your fingers, waiting for me to drop the flim-flam and get to the point: who are we as a company and what are my plans for filming your story? You may already be familiar with my work as an actor. In this new venture, I intend to explore properties that I can direct and produce, not necessarily appear in. Which is not to say I am ruling out a small role, but my main focus in this particular instance is as director.

HCR films is a new venture for me and a few old friends and colleagues. I see from your reply to Henry that you want to know if there are any women among us; I am happy to say that there are several. One of the partners is a highly talented director with whom I have worked in the theatre (she is the ‘R’ in our name); another senior colleague is an experienced screenwriter who wishes to stretch her wings a little. She wrote a TV film I appeared in some years ago. The third full partner is a fellow actor, who like me wants to expand his repertoire into production and direction, and to move into new areas. All of us have established careers which we expect (or at least, we hope) will enable us to raise the necessary funds for the sort of small-scale projects we are planning.

Brass tacks time: I have no wish to change your story in any substantial way - by which I mean not in terms of the plot or the characters. I see no need; it seems to me to offer precisely the kind of tight storytelling which characterises the best films. There are only a few main characters, another plus factor in my view. One of the most appealing aspects of **_The Harris Particle_** is the fact that it is already a perfect fit for us as it stands. All of this is a roundabout way of promising that, should you decide to agree terms with HCR Films, we will look after your baby.

May I be rather cheeky and un-English and ask a personal question? All that your agents are telling people is that you are British and this is your first published novel. I find it hard to believe that such an accomplished writer has appeared from nowhere. Have you worked as a writer in some other form? As a journalist or in non-fiction, perhaps? Don’t feel you have to answer; this is just my natural curiosity showing. I hope it goes without saying that you are completely free to respond in kind. Anything I can say to set your mind at rest, please ask. I hope that you will look kindly on HCR’s offer. Please, do not hesitate to contact me or Henry if you have any further questions about the offer, our company or our plans for **_The Harris Particle_**. In the meantime, we will prepare our formal proposal and send it to Ms Girling at JR Burgess.

I have just one last request of you: that you will continue to keep our discussions highly confidential. It is early days for our company, and we need to protect our creative and commercial interests by avoiding excessive media coverage that would make our company face intense competition at this formative stage in our existence.

I look forward greatly to working with you.

Yours sincerely

Tom Hiddleston

CEO, HCR Films

*

  * _OMG Nat_
  * **_I KNOW_**
  * **_Gail, I truly LOVE YOU_**



*

  * **_Helen, you are NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS_**
  * _Oh Mum, what now??!?!?!_
  * **_Can’t tell you yet_**
  * _Mother :I_
  * **_Sorry, but I think I am going to burst_**
  * _That good, eh?_
  * **_Sursly, you HAVE NO IDEA_**
  * _Please don’t. Just...don't_
  * **_LOL_**



*

To: Tom Hiddleston

From: nhbanks365@hmail

CC: hty@hcrfilms; gfgirling@jrbagency

Subject: Re: Our offer for the rights to **_The Harris Particle_**

Dear Mr Hiddleston

Thank you so much for your very enlightening email. Please, let me set your mind at rest at the outset: I have no intention of blabbing to a soul about HCR Films. Even if we had not signed the NDAs I would have done as you ask.

I must confess I am extremely flattered that you are interested in my novel. Thank you for your kind words. Of course I am familiar with your work as an actor. To answer your extremely impertinent question ( _I am teasing, of course_ ), I am afraid I must disappoint you. I have only become a professional writer in the last couple of years, and it still seems rather unreal. I had written nothing other than academic papers when a student and professional documents and letters after that, until very recently. I began to write fiction a few years ago, purely for my own amusement, as a pastime and therapy to some degree, and it was only when a friend submitted a manuscript on my behalf (and without my prior knowledge) that I even considered publishing my work. That became my first novel, _The Tear Garden._ I hope that might be published too, one day. Also, much of my apparent skill is probably attributable to that of my editor at Gipping, Vincent Campodifiori. He has been ruthless but right on so many occasions that I am able to forget precisely how bad my dreadful original draft was in comparison to the improved version incorporating his handiwork.

That said, there are days when I am still not completely sure this isn’t all some elaborate dream, to tell you the truth.

All of the above must tell you that I am new to this process. I hope you will forgive any faux pas on my part. I am sure that Ms Girling will guide me, and I look forward to hearing from her when your formal offer reaches JR Burgess.

Thanks again.

Warmest regards,

Natalie Banks

  
  


*

  * _‘Warmest regards’??? RU fucking KIDDING ME???_
  * **_Shut it, Gail_**
  * _Cool, tho. NIce work_
  * **_This isn’t one of your elaborate jokes, right?_**
  * _Christ no! I’d never think of anything this mega._
  * **_Sometimes I wonder how you got to VP. You talk like a student_**
  * _You love it_



*

To: Natalie Banks

From: vcc@gipping&co

CC:gfgirling@jrbagency

Subject: Re: Update.

Dear Natalie

I trust you are well. Thank you for your update regarding the new novel. The pages you sent look very promising. I hope all the excitement about the upcoming publication of _The Harris Particle_ isn’t proving too much of a distraction. Meanwhile, I have some notes for you about Chapters 7-11 of _The Tear Garden._ I will send them in the next few days and we can discuss them at our next meeting.

Our Rights Dept tell me there has been interest expressed in acquiring _THP_. I must say that TV and film rights being - possibly - picked up prior to publication is a feather in any author’s cap! I do feel I should warn you that companies do this a lot, and only a proportion actually get purchased in the end. And even fewer end up on screen, sadly. Even so I must say well done you! I have asked Gail to keep me posted but please, if I can help in your deliberations, or if you simply want to touch base, then don’t hesitate to drop me a line, or to call if you prefer.

See you in a month

Vinnie

*

To: Natalie Banks

CC: hty@hcrfilms; gfgirling@jrbagency

From: twh@hcrfilms

Subject: Re: Re: Our offer for the rights to **_The Harris Particle_**

Dear Natalie

As you may already know, Henry has sent the formal offer to Ms Girling today.

Thank you for your reply. I too am familiar with that feeling of dislocation - it can be hard to believe people are willing to pay you to do what you love and would do anyway, and for nothing, can’t it? And I doubt - most sincerely - that your first draft was ‘dreadful’.

I am sure I can trust you. I look forward to meeting you in person.

Tom

P.S. I can’t wait to read _The Tear Garden_

*

To: Natalie Banks

From: gfgirling@jrbagency

CC: ghu@gipping&co admin@gipping&co

Subject: Formal Offer from HCR Films for full international rights to **_The Harris Particle_**

Attachment: Proposal TH/HY/2018/03

Dear Natalie

Well, here it is. I am sure that much of the wording will be gobbledygook to you, but let me tell you right now that the bottom line is this: **this is a very good offer, especially for the as yet unpublished first novel of an unproven writer** (no offence intended as I am sure you know).

But I know that money has never been your main motivator, so the other important thing you need to grasp right away is that HCR Films state that they want to keep as many of your words in the script as they can. They are offering you an executive producer credit, and full consultation on the final screenplay. Before you get too excited, this is pretty standard, and may not mean much at the end of the day, _in most cases_. But taken alongside what has already been said in previous communications, I think they are being sincere.

Read through the attached and get back to me. Henry Young has asked for a face to face the week after next. That should give us and Gipping Books long enough to look through the proposal in detail and for Gary Unwin to comb out any possible legal snags.

Congratulations, Natalie. This looks very promising indeed, and a film adaptation can only help sales of this and indeed all your work!

Gail

*

  * **_I’m home_**
  * _Good. How ru now_
  * **_I’m fine, H. I always was_**
  * _Mother_
  * **_It’s true. It was just a silly flutter_**
  * _Which of us is the medical professional and which is the patient?_
  * **_OK_**
  * _Now, please tell me you have your feet up and a cuppa beside you_
  * **_Yes and no. It’s a Chardonnay_**
  * _Mother_
  * **_Remind me, which of us is the parent and which is the child_**
  * _MOTHER_
  * **_I rest my case_**



_*_

  * **_Darling, don’t worry but I’m at HCH_**
  * _What’s happened??_
  * **_I had another funny turn that’s all. Slightly worse one. Called the surgery and Dr H called an ambulance_**
  * _Are you in the CCU?_
  * **_Yes, wired up like a Xmas tree, feeling a fraud_**
  * _Youre NOT a fraud. They have to check you out, you know this_
  * _OK, sat nav says I’ll be there in an hour_
  * **_You don’t need to come Helen!!!_**
  * _Mother, I do_




	2. Secrets and Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie's health has deteriorated and she has to tell more untruths. But she knows that this can't continue.

To: Natalie Banks; Gail Girling; Gary Unwin

From: hty@hcrfilms

CC: twh@hcrfilms; jr@hcrfims

Subject: Face to face meeting to discuss our proposal

Dear Colleagues

As per my previous discussions with Gail, I have booked a conference room at the Kensington Royal Garden Hotel for Monday next at 10am. Tom and another partner, Josie Rourke, will be accompanying me. I will send precise details and a brief agenda to Gail in the next day or two.

I look forward to meeting you all in person, and I trust that our discussions will lead to a mutually satisfying outcome.

Regards

Henry

*

To: Natalie Banks

From: gfgirling@jrbagency

CC: ghu@gipping&co admin@gipping&co

Subject: Mtg with HCR Films to discuss formal offer for full international rights to **_The Harris Particle_**

Attachments: _Agenda for Mtg at KRG, Directions to Kensington Royal Garden Hotel_

Dear Natalie

Here are the final details for tomorrow’s meeting. I don’t think it will be very formal, despite there being an agenda. If you look you’ll see it’s mainly there to tell us when to start and what time lunch is to be served. My kind of people!

You’ve booked your trains, right? If you’ve changed your mind, I can still book you a room somewhere, to save you going all the way back to Herefordshire the same day. We could have dinner, maybe see a movie? Let me know.

See you in the morning

Gail

*

  * **_So sorry Gail, can’t make it tomorrow_**
  * _Why not???_
  * **_I’m poorly. Can’t travel. Can’t leave the house. It’s just the flu, but_**
  * _BUMMER!!! Could we do a telephone conference, darling? So you can still take part?_
  * **_I don't think so. No voice and coughing ALL THE TIME_**
  * _OK, we can do this without you. I’ll take notes, send you a transcript_
  * **_Thanks love. Sorry again. Please give my apols_**
  * _No probs. Can’t be helped. Feel better soon love x_



_*_

  * _How ru? What did the head honcho say? I should have stayed to grill him_
  * **_No you should not. You cant neglect your own patients. Or Phil_**
  * _WHAT DID HE SAY MUM???_
  * **_As you predicted. The adenosine worked well and he upped my diltiazem dose a bit._**
  * _And the surgery? Pacemaker?_
  * **_Im seeing the surgeon from Brum tomorrow. Looks likely theyll move me to the urgent list_**
  * _Thats good. You cant mess around with a dodgy valve_
  * **_Ive lasted this long_**
  * _But these episodes have got more frequent_
  * _Mum?_
  * **_I know. I spose I hoped I could dodge it forever_**
  * _I told you_
  * **_You did_**
  * _Please Mum. Better the op than a stroke or a PE. Or worse. Please listen and do what they advise. Please_
  * **_I will. Im sorry love_**
  * **_Don't apologise. Just have the op and get better_**



**_*_ **

To: Natalie Banks

From: maxiemax@hmail.com

Subject: How the hell are you?

Hi Nat darling

Sorry it’s been so long since I wrote!

BTW, when I got back from my last visit I discovered that the dogs had run riot in the kitchen while the boys were glued to the TV mindlessly playing computer games. Killing zombies or whatever it is they do - seriously, I have NO IDEA. The mess took most of the next day to clear up. Every bin… Bracken had also got into one of the kitchen cupboards and eaten just a bit of every packet of pasta. She was OK, thank god. William claimed they’d heard nothing - of course not! They have the volume up so loud a bomb could drop on the O’Briens’ next door and they’d continue killing each other on screen.

I swear, if I had my time again… Girls NOT boys. You had the right idea: one only, and FEMALE ><

Anyway, it was just mess, superficial, no harm done, nothing serious.

How are you darling? Seen the quack again since I was there? I thought you looked tired, but no doubt it’s all that writing and thinking. LOL. Any news on that front? When was it that your book was coming out? I’ve got it on pre-order, of course. And the other one? The one about you and Gollum? Coming along? Helen tells me it’s being edited.

I spoke to her last week. She worries about you, you know. I think she’d prefer it if you were closer. You’re so lucky. I doubt my two would notice if I died. Not until the food started to run out and there weren’t any clean pants, anyway. My fault, do you think? Was I too soft on them?

Anyway, love, I’ll call in a day or two, shall I? We can have lunch and a catch-up.

Max xxx

*

To: Maxine Bairstow

From: nhb365@hmail.com

Subject: Re: How the hell are you?

Maxine my dearest

I’m not great, tbh. I’m in Hereford County Hospital for another few days. I had a bit of a turn on Friday morning - palpitations, dizzy, threw up. Rang the docs and Dr H came round pronto. She took one look and rang the ambulance. Heart rate was 234 - impressive! And the rhythm was a tad eccentric. When I got here they poked, tried the cattle prod (didn't work) and then gave me that drug I had once before when this happened. Remember I told you how horrible it was? The one that they call ‘impending doom’. Not the nicest feeling. At least for the de-fib you’re knocked out first. Anyway, that did the trick but then the AF was up to its usual so they put me in the CCU. Tests, etc. Seeing the surgeons from Birmingham QEH later today re the valve replacement etc. Its their regular clinic up here today. WIth luck, they’ll let me go home tomorrow.

But for now, here I am, bored af.

And although I have the trusty MacBook with me (thanks to a reluctant H) the work is on hold. The drugs have made me rather dopey and I’m a bit, well, distracted. Which is annoying, because things have been going well, with a few developments in the last couple of weeks - including a rather exciting meeting I should have been at this morning, in London. SOMEONE WANTS TO FILM THE BOOK! Can’t tell you more at this stage, but I hope that I will hear how it went from Gail, anytime now. 

Yes, Vinnie is working his way through _TTG._ He’s been largely positive. I don't know for sure that they’ll publish it, but he keeps making the right noises, so I live in hope.

I still feel a bit in two minds about it tho. It’s SO personal. H wants me to go ahead, but how will Graham react? He’s not exactly mature about things when they are going his way, as we know. I’d rather not provoke one of his tantrums. He can’t hurt me, of course, but he could make life unpleasant for H. Did she tell you he turned up at her practice a few weeks ago? Maybe not, it was since I last saw you, I think. He tried to get registered, would you believe? She saw the form by chance on the PM’s desk and told her not to allow it. He’s been passed around by practices in his local area, it seems. He needs help, Max. I mean, MH help. I suppose he always has, but it’s hard to say where illness ends and just plain immaturity and nastiness starts.

I can’t help wishing I’d left him years before. When H was a baby. I could have - I mean, he left us, remember that, when she was 5 months? Only for a week until he came crawling back claiming he missed me too much, he was sorry, he didn't mean it... but I could have run then. Got away. But where to? With a baby?

Sorry, no use wasting time on shoulds and coulds! Why do I even care? On balance, I think I will publish. There are others in my situation. Maybe it might help someone. And I guess it will be cathartic. And Helen can handle her Dad pretty well these days.

I just wish she didn’t have to.

Come and see me when I’m back home?

Nat xxxx

*

  * _WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TEXT ME NAT???_
  * _IM DRIVING OVER NOW_
  * **_I didnt want to worry you. Im OK_**
  * **_But it will be great to cu_**
  * _Darling, we are mates. Its what mates do_



_*_

To: Natalie Banks

From: gfgirling@jrbagency

Subject: Mtg with HCR Films

Attachment: Notes on Mtg with HCR Films

Nat

How are you doing, love? Feeling any better?

It was SUCH a pity you couldn’t make it, because, here is where I need to list the 5364582735 reasons why this an excellent professional opportunity to advance your career and promote your work, instead, _OMG, he is SO GORGEOUS_. Darling, STUNNING. And really nice, exquisite manners, well educated, quite brilliant about the current state of the business, really, REALLY NICE and did I mention, Stunning?! Sorry, did not mean to make you envious, although you should be. Still, if this goes ahead, there will be other opportunities to meet him.

Business-wise, they are very professional. Henry has worked at a few top firms and seems to know his stuff. And Josie Rourke was there too! She’s the ‘R’. And our guesses about the ‘C’ were on the button, btw. She didn't say much, but she was very nice too. We chatted at lunch. I think she was mainly there as Tom’s advisor or something. For validation?. He looked at her as a sounding board a few times. I suppose it’s because he’s new to this side of things and she’s an experienced director and has run the Donmar.

Gary queried a couple of clauses on your behalf, the ones he mentioned to me. Nothing major, and they seemed happy to revisit them. Otherwise, I’d say it’s a ‘go’! Tom said they’ve already started exploring funding avenues, so it’s really up to you now.

Do you want me to send the paperwork to sign, or would you like to come up to town for a proper talk with me and Gary? In the meantime, I have to wait for them and Gary to settle about the wording. They said it would be within the week.

Take care of yourself, and let me know what you want to do about signing when the time comes.

Gail x

PS: I almost asked for a selfie

*

To: Natalie Banks

From: twh@hcrfilms

Subject: Get Well Soon

Dear Natalie

I was so sorry to hear you are unwell and unable to travel up to London for our meeting. I do hope you are feeling better today, and that you will begin to recover quickly.

No doubt Gail has filled you in on what went on in the meeting. I feel it was positive, and I look forward to meeting you in person as the project gets underway.

Warmest wishes for a speedy recovery

Tom

*

  * **_He sent me flowers!_**
  * **_You gave him my address??_**
  * _I did. He asked. Said why. Is there a problem?_
  * **_No, not really. Thanks_**
  * _Nice flowers?_
  * **_Stunning, actually. And his mobile no is on the card_**
  * _OOOOOOOOOOOH_
  * **_Gail, GROW UP._**
  * _He’s in love with your prose_
  * **_Balls_**
  * _He said so!_
  * **_SHUT UP_**



**_*_ **

  * **_Thank you so much for the beautiful flowers. It was very kind of you_**
  * _I’m glad you liked them. How are you feeling? Better, I hope_
  * **_Yes, thank you. Much better_**
  * _Excellent news. Might we see you in London soon?_
  * **_I hope so._**
  * _That’s great._



*

To: Natalie Banks

From: twh@hcrfilms

Subject: How are you?

Dear Natalie

As we had not been in touch for a week or two, I thought I might drop you a line to see how you are getting along. I trust you are feeling better.

I have some news for you: Sue Birtwistle is going to do the adaptation for us. She is part of HCR Films already, I’d say one of our prime assets, with her years of experience in TV and many awards to her name. I am sure you are familiar with her CV. I mention it as I know she will be contacting you in the near future. By the way, I don't want you to think I am badgering you, because I am aware that Gail has sent you the papers to sign. She tells me that all is proceeding as planned, so that is all I intend to say on the matter.

My main reason for emailing you today is to tell you that we are making good progress regarding the finance. I confess this is not my favourite activity, but a necessary one in this business. I am more fortunate than many, I know. I am not starting from scratch; I already have contacts made through my career to date, some of whom have helped me with advice, referrals and, in one case, a concrete offer of investment. I trust our progress in securing funding will continue, as long as I can keep enduring rather tedious afternoons in stuffy rooms answering annoying questions.

But enough of me. I hope your indisposition hasn’t cut into your work too much. I will not ask the ‘how is it coming’ question. I know many writers hate that. I am simply asking since I am curious about the writer’s creative process, self imposed discipline, things of the like. You might guess (as no doubt I am not the first to ask you about it) that I have some ambitions in that direction myself. Nothing concrete as yet, and of course, for now I am very much focussed on getting the film made and HCR Films established. So an avid reader I must stay for now... but one day. And when that day comes perhaps I might pick your brains more thoroughly?

And as if by magic, my phone has just reminded me: another meeting with an accountant. Let joy be unconfined!

I hope we can get together soon, Natalie. I am anxious to compare notes on a few aspect of _THP,_ as well as to actually meet you and put a face to the person who writes so eloquently.

Warmest wishes

Tom

_*_

To: Tom Hiddleston

From: nhbanks365@hmail

Subject: Re: How are you?

Tom

I am much better, thank you, and indeed, trying to get on with my work. It still feels odd - wrong, almost - to put it that way. As if someone is going to tap me on the arm and say “Er, no dear. Not work, just a hobby.”

It’s interesting that you ask me about my creative process… could I start with my routine? I’ve never had one, at least not until fairly recently. But then, I’d only been writing at all for a couple of years really, and it had never felt like a job, so… Then, after _THP_ was taken on by Gipping and they offered me an advance for a new novel, it occurred to me that I ought at least to pretend to apply myself properly, so yes, I do set myself a timetable. Not that it is strictly adhered to, mind you. And just recently, well, not at all!

I try to write for at least three hours in the morning, and the same in the afternoon, most days. I have a desk in what I call my study, and that’s where I usually work. I bought myself a nice iMac recently. The desk is by the window, but I do my best not to look out too much, tempting though it is to watch the birds. The view isn’t that great - a few shrubs, a fence, a church spire just visible. But as long as I can see the sky and the weather, I am happy.

You read a lot? Me too, although less than I used to, especially when I commuted. I’d read on the station and the train. That was really the only free time I had in those days, but oddly, somehow there seemed more than now. What kind of matter do you favour? I have very eclectic taste: classics (I reread Jane Eyre just the other month), spy stories you are familiar with :) as I am gradually working my way through Le Carré’s back catalogue, having neglected him for too long (he writes so beautifully), modern literary fiction (Julian Barnes is simply THE BEST), but you might also find me curled up with Alexander McCall Smith or Jojo Moyes. Mind you , if you looked at my shelves you’d assume I was crazy for Stephen King and Robert Harris.

There’s one advantage of being laid up - I’ve been reading for hours on end, every day. It’s such a joy, and I’m certain it will help me with my own work in the long run. I hope so anyway.

I look forward to meeting you too. Soon, I hope.

Natalie

*

To: Natalie Banks

From: gfgirling@jrbagency

Subject: Contract with HCR Films/Promotional schedule for _The Harris Particle_

Attachment: Promotional event schedule GFG/NHB/THP/18/fhh

Nat

Thanks for signing the documents and sending them back so promptly. I’ve forwarded everything to HCR and they’ve acknowledged receipt, so CONGRATULATIONS! You are officially an author who is being adapted for the screen!!!

Henry mentioned to me yesterday that Sue Birtwistle will be contacting you soon. She is the person who is going to do the adaptation. You may recognise the name; she’s done many series for the BBC and others over the years, mainly adaptations. And married to Richard Eyre. Both have worked with Tom before. A safer pair of hands is hard to imagine.

Vinnie tells me you two have a session scheduled for next week. How about we get together for dinner or something? I think a celebration is called for, and it will give us a chance to go over the attached in detail.

Gail

*

  * **_Thank you so much for the books! You are so kind_**
  * _I hope you havent read them all already_
  * **_No, none in fact. This is your current reading list?_**
  * _It is. Excluding THP, of course which I am rereading_
  * **_Thank you, Tom. Such a thoughtful gift_**



*

To: Gail Girling

From: nhbanks365@hmail

Subject: Re: Contract with HCR Films/Promotional schedule for _The Harris Particle_

Gail

I told you I didn’t want to do any of this stuff. Did I not make myself clear? I don't want a high profile. I don't want to have my picture in the paper. I just want to be allowed to stay as I am.

Not to mention I am still not back to full fitness.

And I do not want to meet you next week.

Nat

*

  * _Nat, I’m sorry_
  * _I’ve cancelled everything except the Hatchards signing._
  * _Please say you’ll do that. The manager is a friend_
  * **_OK_**
  * _Thanks love_
  * **_But thats it._**
  * _Can we meet next Thursday eve after all?_
  * **_Yes._**
  * _My treat_
  * **_Bloody right_**



**_*_ **

To: Maxine Bairstow

From: nhb365@hmail.com

Subject: Re:Re: How the hell are you?

Max

Thanks for lunch darling. That’s a great pub. I doubt that’ll be my last visit there, if only for the liver and onions giant yorkshire… Nom-nom-nom

There was a letter from the QEH waiting on the mat when I got home. They want me to go in in two weeks for the pre-op stuff, surgery the week after. Not exactly convenient - that second week’s when the novel is coming out. Oh well. The most annoying bit is it’s JUST too late - I’ll still have to go to the bloody book signing in Piccadilly. And I know I am lucky to get a date at all given the current situation in the NHS.

It was great to spend time together again, and not with me wired up and beeping! See you soon, darling. You always make me feel better.

N xxx

*

  * **_Got a date from QE_**
  * _???_
  * **_25th for pre-op, 31st for the op_**
  * _Thats pretty soon. Next week, then the one after!_
  * **_No shit_**
  * _Mum_
  * **_Sorry. Im a bit scared now theres a date_**
  * _Of course. It’ll be fine. It’s pretty routine for them_
  * **_Not for me_**
  * _Ill be with you. You will be OK. You NEED THIS_
  * **_I know._**
  * **_The worst bit is NO BOOZE from now until after_**
  * _Hah!_
  * **_That and telling Gail. I can’t let her think Im going to be available when I won't be for weeks._**
  * _You’re going to have to come clean about your heart_
  * **_I know. I just didn't want a fuss_**
  * _But you shouldnt have misled her, Mum_
  * _…_
  * _You know Im right_
  * **_Yeah_**
  * **_I hate it when that happens_**
  * _Hah!_



_*_

To: Natalie Banks

From sdb@hcrfilms

CC: twh@hcrfilms; hty@hcrfilms

Subject: Preliminary script conference

Dear Natalie

I hope you don’t mind me contacting you out of the blue, but Tom assured me you didn’t bite. As I hope you already know, I am the person who has been given the privilege of adapting your excellent novel for the screen. It would be very useful for me to talk through a few matters with you and I am sure you would like to discuss your feelings about plot, character, and how we can do the best job possible and honour your intentions.

I would love for us to have a face to face meeting in the next week or two, if that is at all feasible.

I have the following times available next week and the week after:

**_Monday afternoons; Wednesdays all day; Friday mornings after 10.30._ **

If none of these work for you, I might be able to move other appointments, but Friday afternoons are not an option.

I look forward to hearing from you

Sue Birtwistle

*

To: Sue Birtwistle

From: [nhb365@hmail.com](mailto:nhb365@hmail.com)

Subject: Re: Preliminary script conference

Dear Sue

Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, I am very tied up in the next two weeks. I will be in London on a couple of occasions actually, but without any free time. Next week I have a meeting with my editor at Gipping, and the week after I have a book signing at Hatchards in Piccadilly ( _The Harris Particle_ is hitting the shops that week). I cannot extend either visit as I have appointments back here which cannot be postponed.

I am very sorry to appear to be difficult, because you are quite right, I would love to meet you. Perhaps we can arrange something in a few week’s time, when I have a completely free diary? I would prefer not Monday mornings but midweeks are good for me from the 20th of next month onwards. Or a later date if that would suit you better.

Best wishes

Natalie Banks

*

  * _Ru OK?_
  * **_Yes. Fine. Got home an hour ago. You?_**
  * _A bit stunned, tbh._
  * **_Sorry, Gail_**
  * _You should have told me sooner_
  * **_Things got a bit out of hand. Worse and rather faster than I hoped. I didn't want to worry you unnecessarily_**
  * _But youre having heart surgery Nat!_
  * **_Up until last month I assumed it was years off, like I told you_**
  * _OK. Well, rest, etc. Ill see you next week. Good luck tomorrow._
  * **_OK love. And sorry again_**
  * _Just look after yourself. Night x_
  * **_Night love x_**



**_*_ **

  * **_I told Gail tonight_**
  * _Howd she take it_
  * **_Not that well_**
  * _Not surprised. It must be scary for her. It is for me_
  * **_But you know what it all means_**
  * _So do you Mother_
  * **_Yes_**
  * _Is she going to tell anyone else? Gipping, anyone?_
  * **_Ive asked her not to for now. I don't see why we cant work around it. I don't want them thinking im a liability_**
  * _Mother, you have a serious condition. You cant keep lying to people and pretending!_
  * **_Im not pretending. And I have NOT lied. Not really. I just don't want to be treated differently_**
  * _Well OK. Get some sleep. Ill see you tomoz. B there abt 8. Love u xxx_
  * **_XXX_**




	3. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out, and Tom is not deterred...

  * **_Darling, I am SO SORRY but I can’t travel. H arrived last night ready to take me to the stn tomorrow, said I looked peaky and took my temp. It’s VERY mild but I have a fever. Shes shackled me to the bed_**
  * _Don't worry. Your health is the top priority. Ive cancelled the signing._
  * **_Theres a risk they won't go ahead with the op if its still up when I get there. Ill keep you posted_**
  * _Fingers crossed, darling xxx_



_*_

  * _Is everything OK Natalie? I went to Hatchards hoping to catch you and get my first edition signed. The woman there said you were ‘indisposed’._
  * **_Oh Tom! I’m sorry you had a wasted journey. I’m just a bit poorly again._**
  * _That’s a shame. There were more than a few people turned away disappointed, I must say._
  * **_You flatter me, as usual. But I am SO sorry to have stood you up yet again ;))_**
  * _We shall meet soon, fear not. I am working on a plan_
  * **_Sounds alarming_**
  * _I am teasing. Perhaps I can drop in when you meet with Sue?_
  * **_That would be lovely_**
  * **_And thank you for the little notes in the novels_**
  * _You like them? Are they useful?_
  * **_Very. And I LOVE to read what books mean to other readers. Such a kind thing to do._**
  * _I’m just glad you enjoyed them. When I connect with a book I can’t help talking about it. It’s a disease. My sister says I force books into forensics examinations. Keep in the warm and I hope you feel better soon._
  * **_Oh my! I need to see your notes on mine then! Thanks, Tom. Nat x_**



*

_To: Gail Girling; Gary Unwin_

_From: hty@hcrfilms_

_CC: twh@hcrfilms; sdb@hcrfims_

_Subject: Unavailability of Natalie Banks_

_Gail_

_Both Tom and Sue have contacted me in the past few days to express concern that Natalie has been out of all contact for well over a week. Sue has emailed her, and Tom has texted her, with no response. Can you shed any light on this? I am sure I don't have to remind you of her contractual obligations._

_Henry_

To: Natalie Banks

cc: hmf@systdocs.org.uk

From: gfgirling@jrbagancy

Subject: Fwd: Unavailability of Natalie Banks

Nat

I am sorry to bother you with the above, but as you know, part of the agreement we all signed requires you to maintain contact. I know that you aren’t exactly ‘available’ for anything right now, but I think the moment has come to tell HCR what is going on. Talk to Helen, maybe call or text me, if you’re up to it. If not, get her to ring me. We can’t leave things as they are.

They have been calling me almost every day for a week.

Gail

*

  * _Nat, how are you feeling? Better, I hope?_
  * _Is everything OK?_
  * _Now I am worried. Sue says she emailed a week ago and no reply. Are you ill again?_
  * _Nat, please answer if you can. I am very concerned and Gail won’t answer any questions_
  * **_Tom, I am sorry to have worried you. I am OK. Gail is drafting an email which will explain everything._**
  * _Tell me now, please._
  * **_I am OK, really. It’s just a health thing. All will become clear shortly. Sorry to have caused such a problem to everyone_**



*

To: Tom Hiddleston; Sue Birtwistle; Henry Young; Gary Unwin

CC: nhbanks365@hmail.com; hmf@systdocs.org.uk

From: gfgirling@jrbagency

Subject: Natalie Banks - current situation

Dear Colleagues

I am aware that there has been much justifiable concern raised about the apparent unavailability of Ms Banks in the past ten days or so. I know that her absence from our meeting in January concerned some of you as well. With Natalie’s permission, I am now able to put you fully in the picture.

Natalie has a serious heart condition and this has worsened unexpectedly in recent months. Nearly two weeks ago she had open-heart surgery. The operation was a complete success according to her daughter, and Natalie’s recovery is progressing well. She is back at home but as you might guess, she is not able to travel from Herefordshire to London for the time being. However she assures me that she will be willing and able to speak to people electronically or by telephone very soon.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any further questions. I am sure I do not need to ask you to keep this highly personal information confidential.

Gail

*

  * _Natalie, I’m so glad to hear that you are on the road to recovery. Please, don’t worry about anything except getting well_
  * **_Thanks. I’m sorry to have worried you._**
  * _No problem. Just focus on your health._
  * **_Thanks_**
  * **_I’m working my way through the books you sent. They’ve been a godsend_**
  * _I’m glad_



*

  * **_You don’t have to keep sending me flowers Tom_**
  * _I like to_
  * _Do you like them?_
  * **_I love them. And thank you._**
  * _My pleasure_



*

To: Sue Birtwistle

From: nhbanks365@hmail.com

Subject: An apology

Sue

I am so sorry I misled you earlier. It was wrong of me, and I apologise unreservedly. I wanted to keep my health a private matter but I should have recognised sooner that that had become impractical. And there is no excuse for messing you around like that.

I’m afraid the medics won't let me travel any distance for at least another month. If you still want to meet with me sooner, I have no objection to you coming here. I would be happy to be your host for an overnight stay, as we are quite remote here. I know it’s not very far in miles, but it is way out in the sticks, and there is no fast route to, well, anywhere! And don’t worry, I have help so you would not be imposing.

Let me know, and again, sorry.

Natalie

*

To: Natalie Banks

From sdb@hcrfilms

CC: twh@hcrfilms;

Subject: Re: An apology

Natalie

Apology accepted. And for what it’s worth, I understand completely.

Thank you for your invitation, and your generous offer of accommodation. I would love to come and meet with you, although I don’t think an overnight stay will be practical for me. How does Wednesday next week sound, or is that too soon? I thought I could arrive mid-morning and leave at around four. Please say if you think that would be too tiring for you.

And may I bring Tom along with me? He is extremely keen to meet you.

Sue

*

To: Sue Birtwistle

From: nhbanks365@hmail.com

Subject” Re:Re: An apology

Attachment: _Map/directions for Holly Cottage, Lwr Hergest, Herefordshire._

Sue

Next Wednesday suits me just perfectly. I confess to a degree of stir-craziness after two weeks being confined to quarters, not going anywhere beyond the garden gate. And don't worry about tiring me - an old friend has been coming over to take care of things when my daughter is unavailable and she will prepare us some lunch. She is very strict and will send you packing if she thinks I need to rest!

I think it would be best if you came alone, however. Too many people at once can still be rather overwhelming for me.

See you next week!

Natalie

*

To: Natalie Banks

From: twh@hcrfilms

Subject: Re: Re: How are you?

Nat

Sue has told me your answer to my request. While I understand completely that visitors need to be rationed at this stage of your recovery, I cannot deny I am a little disappointed. Perhaps you might allow me to visit you another day, just me and and my as-yet-unsigned first edition of _The Harris Particle…_? I have some meetings coming up, but very little that can’t be rearranged, so you tell me when would suit you best.

I expect Henry will be in touch directly, but I wanted to let you know that he is doing a press release tomorrow about HCR’s first batch of projects, including _THP._ That means, naturally, that you will no longer be bound by most of the NDA. I’m sure you want to share the news with your nearest and dearest.

We have around 90% of the finance agreed, by the way, more than enough to go ahead. And I have hopes of some even better news in the coming weeks. I can’t say too much yet, but if things work out, then you will be a household name soon.

Take care of yourself and enjoy Sue’s visit. She is such an extraordinary person, and so stimulating and inspiring to be with. I don't doubt you will get on famously and make a formidable team… perhaps I should be worried!

Tom x

*

To: Natalie Banks; Gail Girling; Gary Unwin

From: hty@hcrfilms

CC: twh@hcrfilms; sdb@hcrfims; admin@gipping&co

Subject: Announcement of HCR projects

Attachment: _Media release HTY1/twh/jr/btcc/181AA_

Dear Colleagues

As you will see from the attached, I have sent out a media release today announcing all HCR Films’ current projects, including the adaptation of _The Harris Particle._ Naturally, that means that you are no longer bound by clauses 1-7 of the non-disclosure agreements we all signed. Please bear in mind that the remaining areas covered must still be kept confidential.

You will note that the release directs all requests and enquiries for Natalie to Gipping Books or Gail at JR Burgess until Natalie fully recovers or decides otherwise. I think that most interest, initially anyway, will be directed towards Tom’s and Benedict’s involvement in the company.

If you have any questions or comments about the attached, let me know.

Regards

Henry

*

  * _Home OK_
  * **_Good. Thanks for listening love_**
  * _You should let him come, Mum. He seems so keen to meet you_
  * **_How can I? I look dreadful. I can't even put a bra on yet_**
  * _Youre healing nicely. Another week and youll feel more normal_
  * **_Darling, Ill never be ready for him_**
  * _He seems lovely_
  * **_He is. Thats the trouble_**



*****

  * **_Gail, what can I say to Tom?_**
  * _What do u mean?_
  * **_I cant see him. I look like a crone, feel about 90_**
  * _He loves your work. He won't care_
  * **_I WILL_**
  * _I think hes starting to think youre avoiding him_
  * **_I know, but_**
  * _Talk to Sue on Wed. Shes really nice._
  * **_I am such a fool_**
  * _???_
  * **_We have a good thing going on now. I love it. A sort of friendship. When he meets me it will break the spell_**
  * _SHUT UP! Youre gorgeous_
  * **_Gail, don't be an idiot_**
  * _Nat, you are. And hes in love with your prose, remember?_
  * **_Then he can keep that and not see the old bag behind it_**
  * _Natalie, you are neither old nor a bag._
  * _And you cant avoid him forever. Not with him directing the film_
  * **_…_**



*

To: Tom Hiddleston

From: nhbanks365@hmail

Subject: Re: Re: :Re: How are you?

Tom

Thanks for letting me know about the announcement. You are right, it has been a relief to be able to talk openly to my daughter and my friend Maxine (both of whom have been pampering me mercilessly since I left the hospital). Helen is very excited by the news, and Maxine is extremely smug; she was the friend I told you about who sent my other manuscript to various publishers. She sees your interest as her vindication.

I am looking forward to tomorrow very much. Sue has such an incredible CV, and I am a little intimidated. But as both you and Gail assure me she is nice… ;)

I had some unaccustomed excitement yesterday - I was allowed to go out for a ride in the car! Only to my GP’s surgery in Kington (the next village), but afterwards we had tea and cakes in the little cafe there. It felt so strange to be out ‘in the world’ again, and most especially to see more than a couple of people at once. Strange but good. I have been going for short walks, just around my tiny hamlet, on days when the weather is amenable (so not as often as I would like so far). There are plans for more trips further afield in the next weeks, and I have to go to Hereford to see my consultant at his regular clinic in two weeks’ time. With any luck, he will give me the green light to do a bit more, and in particular, to start driving again. I feel I can, anyway. And I am itching to get back to a more normal life.

The books you sent me have been lifesavers these past few weeks, Tom. I can open their pages and travel in time and distance with the tiniest effort. Hardly any of them are by authors or on subjects I might have chosen for myself, and what a revelation that has been. I am determined to become more adventurous in future. I suppose all of us can be guilty of a degree of intellectual conservatism, and of bubble mentalities, at times. I certainly am. Thank you for widening my horizons.

Nat xx

*

To: Gail Girling

From: nhbanks365@hmail

Subject: Sue B’s visit/medical bulletin

Gail

Sue left about an hour ago. I am pretty wiped out but it was such a joy to talk with her. If you had asked me who I’d like to do the adaptation I think I would have chosen her anyway, but even more so now we have met. By the time she left I felt as if we had known each other for years. It was one of the best experiences of my life.

We agreed that I would go to her next time, assuming all goes to plan next week when I see Mr Najarathakan and the cardiologist. The heart nurse who’s been coming here says everything is working fine, as does my GP and my own private medic (in between telling me off and marking the level on the vodka bottle). As far as they can tell without the full hospital-level equipment, Mr or Ms Piggy’s valve is operating perfectly, as is the pacemaker/defib. My sternum has healed and I can see for myself that the wound has closed up. And now the staples are out it looks a bit less like the seam on a Cornish pasty. I’ll always have a bit of lump where the battery for the machinery sits, mind you. But the rash I got from the dressings has cleared up - oh yes, it’s all undeniably glamorous.

I can be left alone now, for whole days! I am starting to feel more like myself, too. I can wash my hair and shower, cook more than toast and microwaved ready-meals. I even painted my nails yesterday. That was such a treat, but not entirely successful: I’ve still got a bit of a shaky hand! And I have been doing an hour or two of work some days. Mainly notes, but I did manage a few hundred words on Monday.

One small blot on the landscape is I’ve had a few bad dreams. I was warned beforehand that was to be expected after major surgery, but these have been rather disabling. I wake in a cold sweat and on a couple of occasions the feeling has stayed with me all the subsequent day. Dread, I suppose you could characterise it; a sensation of something unseen, stalking me. Death, presumably. I have had a couple of minor panic attacks, too. I am coping, though, and Helen assures me they will pass. But I don’t like it. I haven’t felt that way since the divorce.

And then there is everything about the book adaptation and the film and the _Tom problem._ What am I going to do about that? He sent me more flowers with Sue, along with another box of books and a DVD about the birds of Scotland (I mentioned to him once that I like to watch the birds in my garden). He’s going to be very disappointed when instead of the erudite (and presumably attractive) wordsmith he’s expecting, he gets dull, inarticulate, possibly (probably) drooling me.

And I needn’t even mention my appearance.

Save me, darling. Please

Nat

*

  * **_Tom, you really are TOO kind to me_**
  * _Not at all. Did you like the little things I sent?_
  * **_Little? The room is stuffed with them. They are lovely and just perfect gifts, but too much_**
  * _The least I can do after hassling you when you were so ill_
  * **_Not your fault. You didn't know_**
  * _How did it go with Sue?_
  * **_Wonderful. You were right about her. Extraordinary_**
  * _She is. As are you_



*

  * **_He just rang me!_**
  * **_OMG hes so_**
  * _Who? Tom???_
  * **_YES! Just like that. Said that if we couldn't meet in person yet, at least we could have a chat. I nearly dropped the phone when I saw it was him_**
  * _And??_
  * **_Hes just exactly as u think. Only nicer. Funny. Kind._**
  * _What did u talk abt?_
  * **_My health. The book. Books in general. The film. Loads of stuff_**
  * **_He has a gazillion ideas for THP, all of which sound amazing_**
  * **_And he says the bbc might be interested in putting in some cash!_**
  * **_OOPS - keep that under your hat!_**
  * _Of course. But thats GREAT_
  * _How long did you talk for?_
  * **_Hang on_**
  * **_It was nearly an hour! Fuck me!_**
  * _WOW_
  * **_Didn't seem that long_**
  * _I bet_
  * _So did you invite him over?_
  * **_Not specifically_**
  * _Mother you are a dope_
  * **_You know how I feel_**
  * _DOPE_



*

To: Natalie Banks

From: twh@hcrfilms

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: How are you?

Nat

What a delight it was to speak to you yesterday. I hope I didn’t rattle on for too long - it is a fault of mine, and I am aware that you are probably too polite to tell me to bugger off, even if I am boring or exhausting you. Or both.

How is the weather down your way today? It is very cold here, and looking as if snow might be coming later. Made me think of your novel, specifically the family’s first morning in Ferney Voltaire. As Mr. Harris is then, I am glad I got my morning run in before breakfast. I think I might go insane if I wasn’t able to do that, with all the paperwork I have in front of me. Not literally _paper_ , not all of it, anyway - but spending all day in meetings or looking at a screen is not normal for me, and I am finding the adjustment quite difficult. I expect I shall feel more at ease once the actual preparation for filming gets underway. That is more familiar territory.

No doubt you feel the same about your current situation. At least it is only temporary, for us both.

As I was unable to pin you down on a date for my visit, perhaps we can chat again next week? I seem to recall you said you were seeing the consultant again soon? Does that mean you might be allowed to travel up to town in the near future?

In the meantime, take care and keep warm. I am picturing you in a cosy chair in front of a log fire, pencil tucked behind your ear, tea mug in one hand, notebook in the other one, perhaps a dog at your feet...is that at all accurate? Now I think about it, I have no idea if you have open fires or, indeed, any pets! My imagination heard the word ‘cottage’ and filled in the rest. How odd the human mind is…

Speak to you soon

Tom xx

*

To: Tom Hiddleston

From: nhbanks365@hmail

Subject: Re: Re: :Re: Re: Re: How are you?

Tom

Ah, well...I DO have a comfy chair, a log-burner, and an old Aga (it’s all quite Joanna Trollope around here). But no pets… I know what you mean about filling in the gaps. I am terrible for doing that. Before I saw it, I had imagined my daughter’s shared uni house as a pit of squalor. In reality, it was a perfectly pleasant if cramped modern house shared by five female med students who kept it clean and reasonably tidy. At least, that’s how it looked _when I was there..._

For my part, I imagine you sitting in a big, black leather office chair behind a huge glass desk - all shiny, in a large and glamorous office like one in a movie. You have a beautiful secretary who brings you coffee and flirts with you all the time...is that at all accurate? ;)))

The weather has been pretty grim here lately - some days I can’t see the nearby hills at all. In fact, we have light rain at this precise moment, but as in London, I think it might turn ‘wintry’ soon. I love that word, don’t you? So specific, so evocative; it conjures up images of chilly white flakes and dark clouds scudding… and there I go again!

I know what you mean about being cooped up when not used to it. I had a job for years which meant I got to walk around a lot during the day, and it was a shock to the system when that changed and I had to stay chained to my desk. But I tried to see it as a new challenge, and there were compensations - I saved money on shoes!

These past few weeks have been a trial, but to be honest, for the first ten days everything hurt so I didn’t feel like doing much anyway. But once I started to heal (did you know you sort-of itch _inside_ when that happens after surgery? Weird feeling!) all I could think about was needing the wind on my face and the sound of nature in my ears. I have gone out in the rain a few times - don’t worry, I have excellent waterproof coats! And if it is too cold, I don’t risk it. But my eyes ache to see other places again. Low boredom threshold, I suppose.

That’s right, I am seeing the surgeon from Birmingham the week after next. I hope he will allow me to do graduate to the next stage of my rehab. So far it has been a case of slowly increasing my activity, but if I can get back to driving then life will be a lot easier, as well as more fun. I won’t be so dependent on others, for a start. And expand my horizons beyond Lower Hergest, which is pretty but becoming a bit restricting!. And yes, with luck, I will be able to travel to London soon as well.

You keep warm too!

Nat xxx

*

  * _How ru today, love?_
  * **_Good ta. Tansy just left. BP, etc all good. Down to one visit a week now_**
  * _Excellent. Any more phone sex? Or gifts from Mr H? Bath oils, massage scents, lingerie?_
  * **_Shut up_**
  * _I’m sure he’ll want you all perfumed and ready when he gets there_
  * **_MAX, SHUT UP_**
  * _LOL_
  * **_I cant meet him. I cant_**
  * _Youll have to, love. Itll be fine_
  * **_I dreamed about it last night_**
  * _???_
  * _Do tell_
  * **_Disastrous. He ran away in horror_**
  * _Just a dream. Your anxieties, not a prediction_
  * **_Maybe_**



*

To: Natalie Banks

From: gfgirling@jrbagency.co.uk

Subject: Re: Sue B’s visit/medical bulletin

Nat

Great to hear that you are healing and that side of things is progressing. I’m sorry that you have had those dreams, darling, but remember, surgery like you’ve had is traumatic. And for someone like you, with such a sharp mind, there were bound to be some psychological after-effects. You think so deeply and clearly about everything. Is there a support-group that could help, or perhaps a chat room for patients in your situation?

By the way, for what it’s worth, I think you’re wrong about Tom. I don't think he will be disappointed at all. Setting aside your mistaken self-image, I don’t believe he has such expectations. All he cares about is finally meeting the author of a novel he is _so keen on_ that he has made it the subject of his very first foray into directing!

Did he call you yet? He said he might last time we spoke.

If you want moral support, I am happy to be with you when the time comes. Because it will, Natalie. He _is_ going to meet you, and you _are_ going to have to put up with one of those Hiddles-Hugs. And _smell_ how delicious he smells, and _see_ how he _glows_...and that voice!

Have I whetted your appetite yet?

Take care, darling, and let me know how it goes at the hospital.

Love

G xxx

*

  * _Hi Natalie. How are you this evening?_
  * **_Not great tbh. But not to worry! Enjoy your evening._**
  * _Is something troubling you, darling? You are not feeling ill, I hope_
  * **_Im OK. Its not physical. Have you ever had a nightmare you couldnt shake off all day?_**
  * _I think so. Do you mean when you stay in the atmosphere of it?_
  * **_Exactly_**
  * _Is that where you are?_
  * **_Yes. Its not a good place_**
  * _Tell me_
  * **_I keep dreaming Im being stalked by something. An invisible something. I assume its death_**
  * _That must be awful_
  * **_They tell me its fairly normal after big operations but_**
  * _Have you tried writing about it? I have found that getting negative feelings out in words can help_
  * _Even if nobody else ever reads them_
  * **_That sounds like a good idea. Ive talked to Helen and Maxine but yes, writing might be good. The weather is so shit Ive been stuck indoors all day which doesnt help_**
  * _Bad luck. And you know you can talk to me too. I havent been through what you have but I am willing to listen_
  * _We cant allow Death to brag thou wanderest in his shade_
  * **_Well, my eternal summer has long since faded, but, no, lets not allow that_**
  * **_Thank you for listening. Youre very kind_**
  * **_Youve helped me already. Goodnight Tom x_**
  * _Call me if you would like to talk. I’m a good listener_
  * **_I know. Thank you._**
  * _Goodnight Natalie. Don't allow the affliction of these terrible dreams to shake you tonight_
  * **_Is that from the Scottish play?_**
  * _It is! Very good!_
  * **_I did it at school. It sticks from that age._**
  * **_Goodnight xx_**
  * _Sweet dreams darling x_




	4. In the Deep Heart's Core

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet at last...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This maybe the final chapter of this story, but there is more of Tom and Natalie to come. Look for The Snow Garden, the next story in the series, coming soon...

  * **_Thomas, you are incredible. You shouldnt have!_**
  * _It arrived then?_
  * **_I cant accept this_**
  * _You must. You need it. I read that exercise helps and the weather forecast is so dreadful I thought this would be a solution for you_
  * **_But its too much darling_**
  * **_You hardly know me, which is obvious because i am starting to think you think I need to lose weight...?_**
  * _Well, whose fault is that? And of course I don’t think that! I have seen a picture of you, on the dustjacket of the book ;)_
  * **_Thomas are you a stalker who thinks I need to lose weight?_**
  * _Stop it! I’m your colleague and your friend_
  * _You need to walk for your rehab, too, right?_
  * **_Thank you, darling_**
  * **_But its still TOO MUCH_**
  * _Pah_



_*_

To: Natalie Banks

From: vcc@gipping&co

CC:gfgirling@jrbagency

Subject: The Tear Garden - editorial status/publishing

Natalie, my dear

I trust that all is well and that your recovery continues. Thank you for the pages you sent me last week; I was not expecting you to be working again so soon, but I am glad you feel able to start getting back to normal.

Now, to business: I will be sending you my notes on the remaining chapters of _The Tear Garden_ in a day or two. Subject to your agreement and/or action in response, I would say that the manuscript is ready for the board to approve. I think it is a marvellous novel, Nat. Rich with emotion, raw, real, and, sadly, relatable for many potential readers.

Please bear this in mind: just because I say I think it is ready does not mean that a) you have to agree or indeed that you must leap on my notes and do anything about them until you feel strong enough, or b) that the board will accept my recommendation. I think the odds are in our favour, but I have been known to be wrong. The fact that this probably suits a very different audience to _THP_ might make them hesitate, but I hope not for long.

And on the subject of _THP,_ I hear sales are good and steady. Well done!

So, expect to hear from me tomorrow or Friday, but listen: TAKE YOUR TIME, my dear. I am all too aware how personal this novel is for you. The most important opinion about how ready it is remains yours.

Love

Vinnie

*

  * **_Hes sent me a treadmill_**
  * _What? Who has?_
  * **_Mr H. Who else?_**
  * _Bloody hell_
  * **_I know. I cant accept it_**
  * _Why not? He can afford it_
  * **_Thats not the point. Its too much, Helen_**
  * _He cares about you. Im sure he knows you need to exercise_
  * **_Thats what he said_**
  * **_I told him about the dreams_**
  * _Did you? Thats it then - walking will help your mood._
  * **_I know. But its still too much_**
  * _Where on earth have you put it tho?_
  * **_I got the man to put it in the conservatory. He set it all up_**
  * **_I tried to turn it away of course but he said hed been warned not to take no for an answer_**
  * _Ha! Tom knows you already_
  * _Youll have to let him visit now. He needs to take you for a run_
  * **_Shhh_**
  * _I started to write ‘ let him come’. Snerk_
  * **_Helen, youre a doctor. GROW UP_**
  * _And yet here I am giving my mother dating advice_
  * **_STOP IT_**



**_*_ **

To: Tom Hiddleston

From: nhbanks365@hmail

Subject: Your much too generous gift

Tom

You really are the kindest and most thoughtful person imaginable. I can’t think of anyone else - _let alone one who has never actually met me_ \- who would have put up with me lying to them and messing them around, then moaning late at night about my problems. And your response? Sending me an extravagant gift as a remedy! I don’t believe in angels, but you are challenging that.

I would say that I should send it back, but I don’t doubt you have taken steps to prevent that. So I will accept this most useful and effective of gifts with good grace. Thank you, Tom, very much indeed.

Nat xxx

*

  * _It is NOT too generous. If it helps then it is worth every penny_
  * _Plus, I was being selfish. I want you up and running and fully recovered by the start of the shooting._
  * _And please, feel free to moan to me at any time of the night or day_
  * **_See? A bona fide angel_**
  * _Hardly ;D_



*

To: Gail Girling

From: nhbanks365@hmail

Subject: Medical update

Gail

Free at last!! Yes, all is good, I passed all the tests, Little Hognob’s offal is functioning perfectly and Mr N, _aka the Sage of Trincomalee_ has given me back the keys to the Toyota!!! Metaphorically of course - he didn’t actually confiscate them, although Helen did hide them when she came back here the first time after the op. That girl is incorrigible. To think I slaved to put her through med school.

Basically, he has given me permission to properly get back to normal, albeit still gradually. No marathons or mountain climbing, but the gym (not that I need one - did I tell you that Tom sent me _a fucking treadmill_ as a gift??!!!), walking with the local heart group, work and yes, I may catch the train to London, as long as I am sensible and don't try to do too much in one day.

FIrst on the agenda is to go and see Sue at HCR. Or wherever she wants me. I know she works at home mostly. She’s the next person I am emailing.

And then Tom.

HELP ME GAIL. I still don't know what to do about him.

N

*

  * _Sales just topped 5000_
  * **_Wow. Already?!?!_**
  * _I know! I bet all the Hiddlestoners are buying it_
  * **_:D_**
  * **_Something else to thank him for. Or should I thank them?_**



_*_

To: Natalie Banks

From: maxiemax@hmail.com

Subject: Shower thoughts

Nat

I’ve been thinking A LOT about what we were talking about yesterday. Tbh, I’ve thought of little else since we parted. I do understand, I really do, I would be the same, but I want you to think about what I am going to say carefully. That’s why I am emailing rather than ringing.

Do you think this might be Gollum still in your head? Telling you that you are nothing, that you don’t matter and that your work is unimportant… that _you_ are unimportant? Because he did that for the whole of your marriage, right? I saw it enough, the bastard. Is that why you think Tom will be disappointed when he meets you? That voice in your head?

Because, my darling, if I’m right, do you really want to let him win again? You can’t allow him to sabotage everything, love. You know he was wrong. He lied to himself about you, like he lied about everything, ALL THE TIME. You have to get on with your life, you have to put his twisted view of the world behind you and see yourself for who you are now, who you always were, come to that: the wonderful, clever, funny, _beautiful_ woman I’ve known and loved for fifty years.

Not to mention a successful writer!

Think about what you achieved in spite of G’s negative attitude and total lack of support. You got your MA, you did amazing things in your job, you gave the world an excellent doctor who is also beautiful and kind. All this you did while living with a man who was consumed with jealousy and self-hatred because deep down he knew he didn’t deserve you. And who treated you like shit.

Imagine yourself being hugged by Tom. Just think of it, Nat. All warm and fragrant and snuggly… Nice, right? Now imagine Graham watching. If that doesn’t make you smile, nothing will.

Show him. Show that vile, egotistical, selfish, obnoxious, childish mummy’s boy what he had, what he wasted and ultimately drove away. A fabulous person that movie stars send lavish gifts to…

Also, I know EXACTLY what you should be wearing…

See you on Friday

M xx

*

  * **_I love you_**
  * _Of course you do. I’m fucking amazing_
  * **_Seriously Max. You are my guardian angel_**
  * _I have years of failure to make up for_
  * **_Nonsense. That was my choice_**
  * **_And you had your own family_**
  * _But I knew you were drowning and I didn't help_
  * **_You did what I would allow you to. When I finally reached out to you, you pulled me to safety_**
  * _Oh Nat <3<3<3_
  * **_And youre probably right again_**
  * _Naturally_
  * **_We can talk about it on Fri_**



**_*_ **

To: Sue Birtwistle

From: nhb365@hmail.com

Subject: Meeting up again

Sue

I saw the cardiac surgeon and the cardiologist yesterday and I have been given the all-clear to get back to normal activity. I have to keep to my regime of exercise and diet, and of course it means not taking on too much too soon, but I asked specifically about travelling to London and they said that would be fine.

So, perhaps we can set a date for me to visit you at HCR? I would love to see you again, and perhaps get to meet Henry and Tom in the flesh at last. Apart from my weekly cardiac nurse appointment on Fridays I have a largely free diary for the foreseeable future, so you tell me when would suit you.

Warmest regards

Natalie

*

To: Natalie Banks

From sdb@hcrfilms

CC: twh@hcrfilms; hty@hcrfilms

Subject: Re: Meeting up again

Natalie

What wonderful news! As long as you are sure that the journey won’t be too much then we would be thrilled to have you visit us here at HCR. May I suggest next Wednesday? I will let you say the time, as I have no appointments that day and I don’t want you to feel you have to leave home too early. Henry will be here (he always is, as he works too much, bless him) and I have cc’d Tom as I know he is dying to meet you.

We look forward to hearing from you, my dear.

Sue

*

  * _Is it true? Will you finally stop avoiding me??_
  * **_Oh please. If you still want to meet me. And if youre around on Wednesday_**
  * _Of course I do and you know it._
  * _Nat, are you travelling home right away or staying in town?_
  * **_Staying over. I think to try and do it all in one day would be silly. I have booked a room in a nice hotel near your offices. The Cornforth_**
  * _Thats great. Dinner then._
  * _Please say yes_
  * **_OK. Yes, thank you._**
  * _Fantastic! :D:D:D:D_



_*_

  * **_Max, u awake?_**
  * _Yes. U OK??_
  * **_No. Shit scared_**
  * _Hes just a bloke_
  * **_SHUT UP. Hes not just a bloke_**
  * _He is. Imagine him on the loo_
  * **_Max, ffs_**
  * _Thats what I do with clients who are being an arse. Makes them much less intimidating_
  * **_Im not intimidated. Im completely terrified_**
  * _Im sure hes lying awake too, all excited to meet you later today, thinking about matching socks to his underwear_
  * **_I AM BEING SERIOUS_**
  * _You forget you showed me his messages_
  * _NTM hes rung you twice and talked for hours_
  * **_Oh god_**
  * **_Im going to die_**
  * _Not before you get that hug and those selfies_
  * **_They told me to avoid stress. I cant think of anything more stressful than meeting him_**
  * _Someone who is dying to meet YOU?_
  * **_Will he still be my friend after he sees how much I fancy the pants off him?_**
  * _Are you going to wear what I told you to, or that “My ideal weight is...’ t-shirt I gave you for Xmas?_
  * _…_
  * _Then how will he know unless you fling your knickers at him?_
  * **_You know what I’ll do. I’ll blush like a beetroot and become inarticulate like I used to at the school disco_**
  * _I bet you don't_
  * _You were OK on the phone werent you?_
  * **_OH GOD_**
  * _Text me after. I want CHAPTER AND VERSE_
  * _Better make that an email. I shall require DETAILS_



**_*_ **

  * **_Oh Max_**
  * _Well?_
  * **_Hes just_**
  * _????_
  * **_No words._**
  * _I NEED WORDS_
  * **_Later. I have to change for dinner_**
  * **_Hes picking me up in an hour_**
  * _I HATE YOU_
  * _Have a great time and remember. NOT on a first date_
  * **_Max, STFU_**
  * _You can kiss him tho_
  * **_STFU_**



**_*_ **

  * **_Back safely_**
  * _Great :)_
  * **_Goodnight xx_**
  * _Night xxxx_



*

To: Maxine Bairstow

From: nhbanks365@hmail

Subject: How is he real?

Max

I apologise for any typos, but my hands are still shaking.

You know how you imagine a proper, charming, princely man might be? You know, ALL the manners, ALL the charm, ALL the wit and brains, ALL THE MF REST????

That. Only more. Things I cannot even find words for, like how he looks into your eyes when you are speaking (oh, I found words). With such a piercing gaze. And how he properly _listens_ when you talk (I’m not used to that from a male companion, as you know). And how his hand was just touching my back or my shoulder or my arm whenever we walked along…except when we were arm-in-arm. But I am jumping to the end.

I did get some sleep. Not as much as I wanted, but some. The taxi was bang on time, as was the train to Shrewsbury - miracle number 1. The Virgin train got to Euston almost on time, too - only 4 minutes late, and as you can guess, I’d allowed myself LOADS of time to get to Hampstead.

The HCR offices are really nice. They’re in a big old Victorian house - so not enormous or intimidating, just really friendly and welcoming. Sue was waiting in the foyer when I got out of the taxi, as was Henry. He ran out and grabbed my suitcase before I could. Everyone was very sweet and fussed over me.

Henry is tall, dark and ( I think, probably) gay. Bright blue eyes! Scottish in that fey, Edinburgh-posh sort of way, so clever and sharp as a tack. He’s one of those people who seems to be able to anticipate your needs. He had all the bases covered. I really like him. I spent an hour or so chatting with Sue in her room - a cosy place with lots of comfy chairs - then she suddenly looked at her watch and said, “Right. Time for you to pop up to Tom’s office before we have a spot of lunch”.

I didn’t get a chance - he knocked on the door at that moment. She grinned at me and said “Come in, Tom.”

Max, I swear, he looked round the door like a little boy, all nervous and unsure. I stood up (I don’t know how, my legs were shaking), and then he was smiling THAT SMILE and then in two strides (legs a mile long) he was there, hugging me and I was against him. All of him. It was UTTER HEAVEN.

And yeah, I did let myself imagine G watching.

Don’t ask me what he said in those first few minutes. It’s all a blur. I know he squeezed me (gently) for a long time. He was so warm and genuine. I suppose he was really concerned about me...seems unreal, HIM worrying about little ME...smh

We had lunch in the big kitchen at the back of the house. It has a huge refectory table and everyone sits around it, all mixed in, whatever their role in the company. Josie was there too, she popped in to say hello and grab a sandwich. I hope I can spend more time with her one day - she strikes me as my kind of person. Tom seems to be without the sort of ego you might expect - if anything, I’d say he is a bit unsure of himself at moments. He takes nothing for granted, that’s for sure. And he mucks in with the rest of the people there. You’d never know he was the head of the company.

After lunch we had a bit of a general sit around chatting over coffee, the four of us, then Tom suggested that he and I might go for walk on the Heath, which is literally across the road. That was just great - he gave me his arm and I swanked around, hoping that as many people as possible saw us. I saw a few taking pics on their phones - no doubt I’ll be in the DM tomorrow. _Mystery blonde…?_ LOL. Whatever happened to wanting a low profile, I hear you ask..? But who wouldn’t want to show him off, Max? And if G sees something…:D

Then he walked me to the hotel, which is no more than 500 yards away from HCR, but he insisted, and told me to rest before dinner. Which is when I texted you.

Darling, my eyelids are drooping. I MUST go to sleep.

I promise that I will tell you the rest tomorrow. Before breakfast.

Nunite

Nxxx

*

To: Natalie Banks

From: maxiemax@hmail.com

Subject: Re: How is he real?

Natalie Harriet Banks, I never knew you could be so cruel

Seriously, sleep well, darling. And yeah, GO FOR IT, BABE

But I demand DETAILS. MORE DETAILS

M x

*

To: Maxine Bairstow

From: nhbanks365@hmail

Subject: Re: Re: How is he real?

Max, you know that I am not like that :p

OK, _Part deux_

He was dead on time - of course. Pathologically polite - says sorry for everything, until he relaxes, anyway. And guess where we went to eat…

HIS PLACE

I know… he said “I thought this way we could talk for as long as we like without any hassle”. And when I thought about it, it made sense. He must get asked for selfies all the time, or at least stared at. And that must make for a tense evening.

Right, I suppose you want to know about his house…? Not small, but not huge. Deceptive, really, as it goes back for a way. A lovely double-height sitting room with a mezzanine. Started life as an artist’s house/studio, he tells me. Plain decor with film posters and a few paintings and drawings, and a wall of books. And more books piled up on the floor, tables… He says he has other shelves but they’re all full too, so he’s having some more made. I only saw the living room, the kitchen-diner and the loo. All were neat, clean and seemed to reflect his personality. Warm, welcoming, stylish in an unflashy way.

He wanted to know about Holly Cottage too, so I showed him a few pics from my phone. Explained about how it was left to me in the nick of time to save my sanity.

He cooked the meal himself, btw: Vichyssoise soup, chicken cacciatore with salad and affogato for dessert. Delicious, and the view, darling… Nice wine :)

But mostly we talked. For hours. And laughed. He’s very funny (can’t resist terrible puns, he also laughs at his own dad jokes… not even that goes against him), sarcastic, does those impressions of his when he tells stories (of everyone, not just celebs). What did we discuss? Anything, everything, stuff we’d talked about before on the phone, plus new areas… He wants to write one day, and I’m sure he will. He has this determination, a sort of core of steel that you can detect. I imagine you must need that to succeed as an actor, especially if you have such an intellect as his. He could do anything, I am sure, and be great at it. His talent would be sickening if he weren’t so charming. Not in a superficial way, though - I honestly don’t think he could be superficial. He thinks about his words, weighs them carefully, searches for _le mot juste.._. We discussed the film some more, of course. I know he is famous for his preparation, but I swear - he could quote me stuff about CERN that even I hadn't read!

Sorry, I’m rambling. And I know what you _really_ want to hear about, Max…

After dinner I gave him the abridged version of my life. I didn’t pull my punches when it came to telling him about the divorce. It was uncomfortable but I trust him already, and I wanted him to understand my situation, I suppose. We were sitting together on the sofa and he put his hand on my arm when I got to the bit about the affair. And he was open with me, too. About his relationships.

He told me that stuff in confidence, so don't try to get it out of me.

It was pretty late when I thought I’d better leave. He called a cab - “we don't want any rumours starting’ - and after a few minutes I stood up, ready to go. When the intercom buzzed he helped me put my coat on and we started to say our goodbyes.

But then it got sort of weird, in a good way. Both of us went quiet. His hands were on my arms and he looked into my eyes.

I might be fantasizing, Max, but I think... _I THINK_ he was going to kiss me. Or at least, I was bloody sure he was thinking about it. I CERTAINLY WANTED TO KISS HIM. I got scared (you know why) and sort of laughed awkwardly, then so did he. 

And the moment was gone because then the fucking cab driver buzzed again.

I went back to the hotel and despite what happened, I fell asleep pretty fast, as you already know, because I was totally exhausted. And now I’m not sure WHAT happened, tbh

I should be home by 2, all being well. H is meeting me at Shrewsbury, so we might have a spot of lunch there before driving back, and she’s staying tonight. Can you come over tomorrow, perhaps? Let me know, anyway.

Nat x

_*_

  * _OMG Nat_
  * **_I know_**
  * _So what next?_
  * **_You tell me. He’s coming to HC next week_**
  * _OMG NAT!!!!!_
  * **_Calm down. Just for a visit_**
  * **_And it was probably all in my head anyway_**
  * _Yeah, right_
  * _See you tomoz xxx_
  * _OMG NAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_



*

  * _Morning Mum. How was it?_
  * **_Dreamy_**
  * **_As in: like a dream_**
  * _A good one?_
  * **_The best_**
  * _Told you!_
  * _OK. Gimme the full story when I pick you up_
  * **_You don't need to, you know love. I can still get a cab_**
  * _Not a chance. Ive booked the day anyway_



*

  * _Good morning :D_
  * **_Morning_**
  * _How is the hotel? Did you sleep well?_
  * **_I did. Its very nice. My daughter would call it ‘dead poncy’. Organic this and single-estate the other..._**
  * _Haha. And youre not too tired? We talked for a long time last night_
  * **_Im fine. And it was lovely. Thank you Tom_**
  * _It was my pleasure. And you will return the compliment soon enough_
  * _I can’t wait for next week_
  * **_Me neither :))_**
  * _Safe journey darling xx_
  * _xxx_



_*_

  * **_Gail, I’m back home and by the fire_**
  * _Lovely. Feet on the ground yet?_
  * **_What dyou mean?_**
  * _Henry told me you had dinner with T_
  * **_What a gossip!_**
  * **_I did :)))_**
  * _I told you he was in love with your prose_
  * **_DO stop saying that, Gail_**
  * _Its manna from heaven for a literary agent_
  * **_No doubt_**
  * _So when is your next date?_
  * **_STFU_**
  * **_He’s coming here next week_**
  * _SQUEEEEEEE_
  * **_How old are you? FFS_**
  * _*calculates size of her fee when all the novels are best sellers*_
  * _People LOVE a romance_
  * **_I don't write romance_**
  * _I mean a real-life romance, dumbo_
  * **_If you don't stop this I am changing agent_**
  * **_And we are JUST FRIENDS._**
  * **_FFS_**
  * _Yeah, right_
  * **_Not you as well_**



**_*_ **

  * **_Im home safely_**
  * _Great. Thanks for letting me know. I worry_
  * **_Im fine_**
  * _I know, but it was a long day yesterday_
  * **_It was. But it was wonderful. I had such a lovely time_**
  * _Im glad you enjoyed yourself_
  * **_I did. Very much_**
  * _I did too._
  * _I’m looking forward to carrying on where we left off_
  * **_Tom?_**
  * _Yes, Nat?_
  * **_Me too_**




End file.
